CRIME DOES NOT PAY

by David Rhymer & Kris Demeanor

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    Mr. Crime has bootlegged this live recording of CRIME DOES NOT PAY for your ears alone..
    Hear how the trappings of success, the threat of censorship, and Bob’s possessive love of Violet make for one dangerous cocktail in CRIME DOES NOT PAY. Read more at downstage.ca/crime.shtml.
    All proceeds from this recording will go directly to the performers that brought this show to life!
    Photos taken by Tim Nguyen, Citrus Photography.

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about

ORIGINAL CAST

Kris Demeanor - Mr. Crime & Guitar
Devin MacKinnon - Bob Wood & Guitar
Jamie Konchak - Violet Page & Bass
Lennette Randall - Eleanor Flood & Conga
David Rhymer - Marvin Shade & Keyboard
Selina Wong - Ensemble, Keyboard & Percussion
André Wickenheiser - Ensemble, Trumpet & Percussion

The World Premiere of Crime Does Not Pay was co-produced by Downstage and Forte Musical Theatre with the generous support of Hit & Myth Productions March 2-11, 2017 in the Engineered Air Theatre, Arts Commons, Calgary. For more information, visit downstage.ca/crime.shtml.

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released May 31, 2017

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Crime Does Not Pay Calgary, Alberta

ORIGINAL CAST

Kris Demeanor - Mr. Crime & Guitar
Devin MacKinnon - Bob Wood & Guitar
Jamie Konchak - Violet Page & Bass
Lennette Randall - Eleanor Flood & Conga
David Rhymer - Marvin Shade & Keyboard
Selina Wong - Ensemble, Keyboard & Percussion
André Wickenheiser - Ensemble, Trumpet & Percussion
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Track Name: Perfect Crime
NOW I HEARD THERE WAS A PERFECT CRIME
WHERE VILLAINS DONNED THE IDEAL DISGUISE
AND KEPT THEIR DEATHBED PROMISES
TO ALL THEIR LAST ACCOMPLICES
I HEARD THERE WAS A PERFECT CRIME
WHERE FORTUNE, PLANS AND GUTS ALIGNED
AND THE DARING DUO UNDER COVERS
WHISPERED JUST BEFORE THE END
“LOOK AT US – WE GOT AWAY WITH IT”

WE GOT AWAY WITH IT

I HEARD THERE WAS A PERFECT CRIME
BUT AS IT IS I FEAR I’LL NEVER SEE ONE IN MY TIME
THEY LOSE THEIR NERVE, DON’T HAVE THE HEART
OR IT’S BADLY ORCHESTRATED FROM THE START
I HEARD THERE WAS THE PERFECT CRIME
WHERE NO ON GOT LAZY, DISTRACTED OR HIGH
WHERE GUILT AND REPENTANCE REMAINED A VAPOUR
NO GREED OR DESIRE TO TOP THE LAST CAPER
THAT’S HOW YOU GET AWAY WITH IT

THAT’S HOW YOU GET AWAY WITH IT

ONE CUT, GUSHES BLOOD
LEAVES A STAIN THAT GETS THE JOB UNDONE
HOW HARD CAN IT BE
KEEPING YOUR HANDS CLEAN
AND YOUR MOUTH SHUT?
HOW MANY TIMES IN THE MOMENT’S RUSH
HAVE I THOUGHT, “YES, THIS ONE’S GOT THE GENIUS’?
POOR SOULS, CAN’T YOU SEE?
DECEPTION IS ITS OWN HONESTY
Track Name: Plans
PLANS
SUN SHINES ALL DAY!
BUT IT’S HARD TO GET EXCITED WHEN YOUR BACK IS BREAKING IN IT
OTHERS SIT UNDER UMBRELLAS DRINKING COLD ICED TEA
PEACE AND QUIET
IT’S GOT ALL THE PEACE AND QUIET OF NOTHING HAPPENING

PLANS! YOU DON’T MAKE PLANS, THE PLANS ARE LAID OUT WELL AHEAD, YOU FOLLOW THEM

MY BEST BUDDY TED CROUCH
WAS HANDY AS MARCONI, MADE A RING PERFECT FOR PLUMBING
PITCHED IT TO A NEW YORK COMPANY, AND GOT THE PATENT STOLEN
CAME HOME ON FIRE
WHAT MONEY HE HAD LEFT WENT TO A HOPELESS FUCKING LAWYER
BUT THE GUNSHOT DIDN’T KILL HIM, HE DIED WRITHING WITH INFECTION

PLANS! YOU DON’T MAKE PLANS, THE PLANS ARE LAID OUT WELL AHEAD, YOU FOLLOW THEM

MY DADDY, EUGENE!
DECORATED IN THE WAR, MADE IT WORK AGAINST THE ODDS, HAD INSURANCE BUT INSURANCE DOESN’T COVER ACTS OF GOD
GOT A FULL THREE YEARS, FOR CRIPPLING THE ASSESSOR
HE GOT OUT AND WENT BACK AT HER, GOT RESPECT AND TURNED A PROFIT
BUT THE MOLES ARE ALL MALIGNANT

DARLING, WHAT WOULD ANY SANE MAN
WITH AN INKLING OF AMBITION
AND NO TOLERANCE FOR CAGES
IN WIDE OPEN SPACES DO?

MY LITTLE NIECE, LUCILLE
THEY PUT UP DRAGONFLY WALLPAPER
MADE THE DINING ROOM A NURSERY HAD A TRUNK OF HAND-ME-DOWNS
BUT WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY’VE BEEN SPRAYING
SHE WAS ONE OF SEVEN CHILDREN IN THE AREA DELIVERED STILL
AND NOW MY SISTER’S CATATONIC, ALL SHE DOES SOMETIMES IS CRY AND SAYS SHE NEVER EVEN SAW LUCILLE’S EYE

PLANS!
YOU DON’T MAKE PLANS, THE PLANS ARE LAID OUT WELL AHEAD YOU FOLLOW THEM
Track Name: What Have They Seen?
NOT EVERY CHILD WHO READS THESE COMIC BOOKS
BECOMES A DELINQUENT, TRUE ENOUGH
IF WE INHALE TUBERCULOSIS BACTERIUM
SOME WILL STAY SAFE, BUT SOME GET INFECTED
WHY WOULD A YOUNG BOY TAKE A GUN
SHOOT IT FROM HIS WINDOW AT THE STANDS OF A BASEBALL GAME
WHY WOULD THAT SAME YOUNG BOY LAUGH AND BRAG TO HIS FRIENDS
AND NOT BETRAY A SHRED OF REGRET?

WHY WOULD GOOD KIDS DO THIS? WHAT HAVE THEY SEEN?
CHILDREN ARE FLOWERS AND IF THE SOIL IS GOOD
THEY WILL BURST FORTH STRONG AND TRUE ENOUGH
IF THE SOIL IS SICK THEY GROW DEFORMED AND MALIGNANT
HE MAY HAVE PULLED THE ITCHING TRIGGER
BUT HIS HAND WAS NOT THE ONLY HAND

WHY WOULD GOOD KIDS DO THIS? WHAT HAVE THEY SEEN?
Track Name: Chameleon
I FELL FOR YOU, THE MAGAZINE TOLD ME TO
AND YOU JUMPED RIGHT OFF THE PAGE
LIKE YOU WERE SELLING ME AN IRONING BOARD
PULL OUT THE CHAIR, HOLD THE DOOR
AND OFFER YOUR ARM
DUMB LITTLE FISH BITING AT SPINNING SPOONS
THE SCRIPT IS SO PERFECTLY HONED
YOU ARE A PRINCE ‘TIL YOU GET ME ALONE

YOU REEL AND TUG; SINKS IN FURTHER THE MORE I THRASH
I HEAR YOU LAUGH WITH THE COP AT THE DOOR
‘I SWEAR, SHE WON’T CALL ANYMORE
WE GOT DRUNK AND I WENT OVERBOARD’
‘WELL, KEEP IT DOWN THEN, NEXT TIME, BUDDY BOY’

DADDY, THE MODEL OF COURTESY
FULL OF BILE WITH A SMILE FOR ALL TO SEE
ANYTHING GOES, ANYTHING TO SEAL THE DEAL
SHOWS HIS BELOVED THE FLAT OF HIS HAND
MOTHER IS MUM AND HAS A COUPLE MORE
SHE WON’T MAKE A PEEP
FOR FEAR OF WHAT LIES, WAITING OUTSIDE OF THE CAGE

IN THE SKYSCRAPER, THEY SHAKE TO THE PARTNERSHIP
SMILE WHILE THEY SWING THE NINE IRON AND PLAN FOR THE TAKE-OVER BID
IN THE NATURAL WORLD, THE CHAMELEON
FAKING AND FOOLING AND HIDING
HARD WIRED TO PRETEND THAT HE’S SOMETHING HE’S NOT

IN THE SKYSCRAPER, THEY SHAKE TO THE PARTNERSHIP
SMILE WHILE THEY SWING THE NINE IRON AND PLAN FOR THE TAKE-OVER BID
IN THE NATURAL WORLD, THE CHAMELEON
FAKING AND FOOLING AND HIDING
HARD WIRED TO PRETEND THAT HE’S SOMETHING HE’S NOT

THE CHAMELEON – THE CHAMELEON – THE CHAMELEON
Track Name: Lady Fantastik
I DON’T KNOW WHAT HOOKED ME FIRST
THE LIPS, THE LEGS, OR THAT SPECTACULAR RACK OF YOURS
BUT THE ROOM WENT INTO SHOCK
AND ALL OF THE FELLAS SO JEALOUS I BAGGED YOU

YOU’RE NO BORING BRIDE BIMBO
YOU CAN SAVE THE DAY WITH A CRACK OF THE WHIP
WHILE THE BLUE BOYS SIGH ‘AIN’T THAT LADY FANTASTIK’

IT’S SO EASY TO DRAW A LADY
THAT COULD MAKE THE HARDEST MAN HARDER
I JUST HAVE TO LOOK AT YOU
SO LET’S DO THIS, LET’S ROLL
LET THE GOOD TIMES TAKE THEIR TOLL
I DON’T WANT YOU WEAK, BUT I DON’T WANT YOU EQUAL EITHER

RINGLETS OF HAZEL HAIR
LIGHT ON THE CREST OF THAT WIGGLING PEACH OF A DERRIERE
FROM AN OUTLINE OF CHARCOAL GRAY
I GET TO DRESS YOU ANYWAY THAT I FANCY

YOU’RE NO TROPHY FOR SCOUNDRELS
YOU CAN LASSO THE MUGGER WHILE PAINTING YOUR NAILS
WHILE EVERY RED BLOODED BOY IN AMERICA CHECKS OUT YOUR DETAILS

IT’S SO EASY TO DRAW A LADY
THAT COULD MAKE THE HARDEST MAN HARDER
I JUST HAVE TO LOOK AT YOU
SO LET’S DO THIS, LET’S ROLL
LET THE GOOD TIMES TAKE THEIR TOLL
I DON’T WANT YOU WEAK,
BUT I DON’T WANT YOU EQUAL EITHER

IT’S SO EASY TO DRAW A LADY
THAT COULD MAKE THE HARDEST MAN HARDER
I JUST HAVE TO LOOK AT YOU
SO LET’S DO THIS, LET’S ROLL
LET THE GOOD TIMES TAKE THEIR TOLL
I DON’T WANT YOU WEAK,
BUT I DON’T WANT YOU EQUAL EITHER
I DON’T WANT YOU WEAK,
BUT I DON’T WANT YOU EQUAL EITHER
I DON’T WANT YOU WEAK,
BUT I DON’T WANT YOU EQUAL EITHER
Track Name: Nothing Nice
PULL OUT MY CHAIR, OPEN MY DOOR
FOLLOW THE SCRIPT OF EVERY NICE GUY BEFORE
FLATTERY AND FLOWERS, AND WHAT A PERK!

OVER DINNER I HEAR ALL ABOUT YOUR WORK
ROMANTIC FLICK, WALK IN THE PARK,
BEG FOR A HAND JOB IN THE CAR

LET’S GET MARRIED, FAT AND BITTER
PUNISH ME AND SCREW THE SITTER
LIKE THE NICE GUY THAT YOU ARE!

NOW YOU MAY THINK I WANT IT STRAIGHT AND SQUARE
CUT OUT PAPER DONKEYS AT THE HARVEST FAIR
I DON’T TRUST GUYS WHO PAMPER THEIR DAME
I’VE SEEN HOW DOGS GET MEAN WHEN THEY’RE LAME
SO, RUN ALONG AND FIND YOURSELF A PEACH
WHO DREAMS ABOUT A VALIUM ROMANCE

BUY A HALLMARK VALENTINE
YOU SHOW HER YOURS, AND SHE’LL RESIGN
TO THAT NICE GUY SONG AND DANCE

THIS PERFECT PUNK, DON’T GIVE A FUCK
COULD BUMP A NICE GUY OFF HIS CHICK WITH A LOOK
DANGER AND PAIN ALWAYS EXPOSED
LIKE A VOLCANO ALMOST READY TO BLOW
NOTHING TO LOSE, EVERYTHING TO PROVE
HOLD ME DOWN AND KEEP ME TIED

I’LL TELL YOU GIRLS NOW HEED MY WARNING
WIMPY, INSECURE AND BORING
NOTHING NICE ABOUT A, NOTHING NICE,
NOTHING NICE ABOUT A, NOTHING NICE,
NOTHING NICE ABOUT A NICE GUY!
Track Name: The Blank Page
AM I A COILED UP SNAKE IN YOUR MIND?
HAVE I FOREVER LIVED HERE?
BUBBLING IN THAT LITTLE BOY BRAIN THROUGHOUT TIME?
UNEARTH AND POLISH THE LAMP
AWAKEN EVERY DEMON

FORGET THAT TIRED, EASY SELL
LET’S GO MINING DEEPER INTO HELL
LET’S WRING EVERY DIME
FROM EACH NIGHTMARE YOU’RE DYING TO TELL

YOU’RE A PAINT BRUSH POISED FOR GLORY
I’M A BLANK PAGE WAITING FOR INK
Track Name: The Formula
THE FORMULA IS GOOD
A COP, A KILLER, A GUN AND A GIRL
BUT GUTS AND GORE AIN’T ENOUGH, IT’S A BUST
CATCHIN’ SOME CHUMP AND LOCKIN’ HIM UP

I’LL TELL YOU WHAT THEY WANT
IT AIN’T A CREAM PUFF IN TIGHTS AND A MASK
THE REAL HEROES TODAY KNOW THAT JUSTICE IS BLIND
AND THE LAW’S A DEAD END

FANTASY SPINNERS ADD A FIRE TO THE DULL WORK-A-DAY
YOU GOT THE SHORT STRAW AGAIN
GET REVENGE WITH SOME BAD BUXOM BABE
WE’RE MAKING ‘EM PAY!

WE’LL GIVE EM WHAT THEY WANT
TWICE THE ACTION AND DOUBLE THE SKIN
YOU’LL BE SURVEYING THE SPOILS FROM A PENTHOUSE
WITH A CUBAN IN YOUR HAND AND AN ACTRESS ON YOUR ARM

CRAMMED FULL OF MURDER
CARNAGE, BLOOD, SHOCK AND AWE
BIG BLOOD RED ‘CRIME’ ON THE FRONT
OUR HOTSHOT CROOKS HAVE A POINT
AND WE WANT WHAT THEY WANT

DON’T MOVE OR I’M GONNA SHOOT!
A DOSE OF REALITY, THE CRIME PAYS FORMULA
RED BLOODED, AXE GRINDING ROBBERS AND HOODS
WE’RE FINALLY TELLING YOU ALL TRUE STORIES

FULL COLOUR SPLASHES
BULLETS FLYING, FLESH TORN AWAY
A NICE WHIFF OF SEX ON THE SIDE
WITH A GOOD GIRL GONE BAD
ON EVERY PAGE

DON’T MOVE OR I’M GONNA SHOOT!
TAKE A BIG DOSE OF THE CRIME PAYS FORMULA
WISE GUYS ON THEIR WAY TO THE TOP
LET ME ORDER YOU ALL TRUE STORIES
OF HOODLUMS AND SCANDAL AND MAYHEM
AND MAKE THE DEAR READER WISH
THEY WERE RIDING RIGHT WITH THEM!
Track Name: Seduction of the Innocent
YES, I CONCEDE IT’S WHAT WE DO, 1492, SHOOT THE ARAWAK AND SIC POX ON THE SIOUX, POCKET CHANGE AND FUN CUT OUT SIXTY MILLION TONGUES, REDWOOD, OAK, AT EVERY TURN, SLASH AND BURN IT’S WHAT WE DO, GO TO PORTS ACROSS THE SEA AND HARVEST MEN WITH MUSCLES BARE TO TOIL IN OUR NEW EDEN, WITH RELUCTANCE GRANTING FREEDOM, WHIP AND SHACKLE, SLASH AND BURN BUT THOUGH IT MAY BE WHAT WE DO, ALL THAT HISTORY TENDS TO PROVE IS BEHIND EVERY MAN WITH MUTED MORALS STANDS A SILENT WOMAN

TODAY, WITH URGENCY I SAY AFTER RAZING NATURE’S MAJESTY MEN ARE TILLING FIELDS OF POISON IN ITS PLACE, THERE IS NO PRECEDENT FOR THIS, VIRULENCE DESCENDING DOWN UPON THE INNOCENT. AN INDUSTRY WHOLLY DEVOTED TO VIOLENCE, A TORRENT OF GUNS BLAZING, BLOOD PUDDLES AND TORTURINGS-TO-DEATH AND WHO ARE THE TARGETS? YOUR CHILDREN, THE HOPE OF THE NATION, DEGRADATION OF SOULS AS FRAGILE PSYCHES FALL WITH EVERY LOOK, THE CRIME OF THE CENTURY? THE COMIC BOOK!

SPRAY THE FIELD AND WE WILL SAVE THE CROP
THE YIELD PRISTINE NO EVIL PEST ESCAPE

CORPSES, KICKING, PUNCHING, STABBING, CHESTY WOMEN BURNED AND STRANGLED, SEE THE FLAW THAT OVERRIDES COMMON SENSE IN THE HUMAN MIND CONNECTING SEX AND VIOLENCE. PUBLISHERS OF PULP KNOW FULL WELL PICTURE LANGUAGE PENETRATES THE CHILD’S MIND, FOR THEREIN LIES A WEAK SPOT WHERE IMPULSES PRIMITIVE, LIKE SPORES OF DEADLY NIGHTSHADES HIDE. ADOLESCENT DREAMERS TURN TO THUGS AND SCHEMERS. SEDUCTION OF THE INNOCENT, AS CALCULATED AS THE PLANS FOR ANY HEIST OR MURDER

SPRAY THE FIELD AND WE WILL SAVE THE CROP
THE YIELD PRISTINE NO EVIL PEST ESCAPE

THE RAGS RUN ADS THAT THREATEN AND HUMILIATE THE CHILD, MAKE THEM CRAVE THE EASY LIFE. ERODE RESPECT FOR AUTHORITY, PARENTS, POLICE. THEN WE BLAME THE CHILD, GET TOUGH ON CRIME, PRIME THEM LIKE A LAMB, A SACRIFICE TO GODLESS PROFITEERS. WHAT FATHER IN HIS RIGHT MIND WOULD GIVE A BOY A MANUAL ON HOW TO BEAT THEIR FUTURE WIVES AND ROB THEIR FUTURE NEIGHBOURS BLIND? BUY A SWITCHBLADE, KIDS! LEARN TO USE A PELLET GUN! CRIME MAY NOT PAY, BUT IT SURE IS FUN!

SPRAY THE FIELD AND WE WILL SAVE THE CROP
THE YIELD PRISTINE NO EVIL PEST ESCAPE
SPRAY THE FIELD OR SEE THE CHILDREN FALL
HARVESTED BY EVERY SCYTHE OF GREED
Track Name: God of My Own Story
YOU EAGER, EAGER BOY
YOU COULD AT LEAST APPRECIATE
THE COST OF ALL THE SILK YOU TOSEED ON THE FLOOR
AND WHILE I’M CHARMED BY YOUR HOMERUN ADMISSIONS
THERE ARE POSITIONS IT SEEMS YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF BEFORE
MAYBE YOU NEED TO BE BEATEN UP A BIT
GET YOU ANGRY LIKE THE REST OF THEM

WHEN YOU’RE EVERYTHING TO EVERYONE
WHEN YOU’RE THE BRAINS AND THE SEX
YOU HAVE A SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE ON WHAT HAPPENS NEXT
IT’S EASY TO DRAW WHO’S IN CHARGE
AND SORRY, THAT LOVE SEAT’S ELECTRIC
THE ONLY STRINGS ATTACHED FOR ME
ARE TO YOUR HANDS, YOU HEAD, YOUR FEET AND YOUR PRICK

It’s your typical scoundrel’s estate
Like the man, it tries to intimidate
Long driveway, dog, a gate, gargoyles, and a pool

A bone will postpone an attack

And I still have a key to the back
We’ll go together at eight when he has his cognac and cigar

He’ll be ‘reading’ in the billiards room
With a floosie bent over the table

It’s easier sneaking up when the belt is undone
Pick a drawer, there’s a revolver in every one

Been sick too long to be immunized
It’s justice if it’s justified
And soon enough the law is gonna catch up

We’ll make love in front of the bastard while he’s tied up

Clear the safe, light a fire, and go to the Hilton for lunch

A bat to the mistress’s skull as I gasp at the crunch

Stagger the drops, Bamboozle the cops, it turns out that nobody cares at the end of the day

Takes a crime to get that kind of criminal out of the way

… GET YOURSELF A SHINE AND A SHAVE
IT’S BETTER TO LOOK AT ODDS WITH HOW WE BEHAVE
WITH ALL THESE TREASURES TO FIND AND FILCH AND FUCK
LOOK GOOD WHILE YOU’RE LIFTING THE LID OFF THE TRUNK
AND ANY FOOL CAN SURVIVE A WAR
BUT WHO CAN SAY THEY MADE A PARTY OF DODGING THE ARROWS

MY EAGER, EAGER BOY, I’M LIKE YOU
NOBODY CHOSE THIS LIFE FOR ME
I WRITE MY OWN STORY

WE’RE GODS OF OUR OWN STORY
Track Name: Coming Up Corpses
HEY BUDDY, I KNOW YOUR NAME
GET TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE, SIR
I’M A FAN OF YOUR WORK, SIR
AT FIRST I CAN’T STOP LOOKING AROUND
THINKING SOMEBODY’S GONNA FIGURE THIS OUT
PICTURES ARE MY FARMER’S SEED
GIVING EVERYBODY WHAT EVERYONE NEEDS

JEALOUSY FLIRTING WITH FIRE
AVARICE MAKING A FORTUNE
EVERYTHING’S COMING UP GREEN
EVERYTHING’S COMING UP CORPSES

WOLF WHISTLES HOWL
THE POUR IS ALWAYS THREE FINGERS
THERE’S AN ART TO BEING YOUNG
FORGET THE CHAPEL AND THE RING
WHAT NAUGHTY LITTLE TRICKS WILL THE LIQUOR BRING
IT’S SO SPECIAL HAVING FRIENDS
EVEN BETTER WHEN THEY’RE DYING OF ENVY

JEALOUSY FLIRTING WITH FIRE
AVARICE MAKING A FORTUNE
EVERYTHING’S COMING UP GREEN
EVERYTHING’S COMING UP CORPSES

I GOTTA SAY IT’S A JOY
I’VE BEEN TRYING FOR A WHILE NOW
IT’S NOT ABOUT ME ANYMORE
I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT
I’VE NEVER BEEN PROUDER OR FELT SO ALIVE
MY FAVOURITE PART IS CHANGING THEM
HIS FIRST WORDS WERE “DON’T SAY A WORD OR YOU’RE DEAD!”

THEY SAID I WASTED MY TIME
COPYING ALL THE MASTERS

BUT THOSE AXE GRINDING BASTARDS
ARE LIQUID GOLD STRAIGHT FROM YOUR PEN

DARK DARTS INTO THE HEARTS OF MEN

INFECTING EVERY VIRGIN MIND

CASHING ALL THE CHEQUES ON A HARLOT’S BEHIND

JEALOUSY FLIRTING WITH FIRE
AVARICE MAKING A FORTUNE
EVERYTHING’S COMING UP GREEN
EVERYTHING’S COMING UP CORPSES
JEALOUSY FLIRTING WITH FIRE
AVARICE MAKING A FORTUNE

EVERYTHING’S COMING UP GREEN/SPRAY THE FIELDS AND WE WILL SAVE THE CROP
EVERYTHING’S COMING UP CORPSES
EVERYTHING’S COMING UP CORPSES
EVERYTHING’S COMING UP CORPSES
EVERYTHING’S COMING UP.
Track Name: Caring for Nothing
WHERE YOU FROM MYSTERY MAN, YOU LOOK LIKE A BIG SHOT

I AM A BIG SHOT

THAT’S GOOD, ‘CAUSE I WOULDN’T FALL FOR NO TINHORN ROMEO

YOU AND I COULD REALLY GO PLACES, WE’LL SEE

LET’S MERELY MAKE BELIEVE

KEEP IT ALL ONLY IN FUN

SHARE IN MAKING A KILLING
CARING FOR NOTHING

LOOK OUT, CAUSE I’M GONNA SWEEP THIS LITTLE FILLY OFF HER FEET

I DON’T RIDE WITH STRANGERS

WHO SAYS WE’RE GONNA BE STRANGERS

YOU AND I COULD REALLY GO PLACES, WE’LL SEE

LET’S MERELY MAKE BELIEVE

KEEP IT ALL ONLY IN FUN

SHARE IN MAKING A KILLING
CARING FOR NOTHING

LOOK BABY I’VE GOT THE NOSE OF A BLOODHOUND

ARE YOU SAYING YOU’RE A DOG?

I SUPPOSE THAT YOU COULD SAY I’M PROTECTIVE AND I’M LOYAL

YOU AND I COULD REALLY GO PLACES, WE’LL SEE

LET’S MERELY MAKE BELIEVE

KEEP IT ALL ONLY IN FUN

SHARE IN MAKING A KILLING
CARING FOR NOTHING

PROMISING EVERYTHING
EVERY LAST PASSION IN HISTORY
ORPHEUS EURYDICE TRISTAN ISOLDE

CLEOPATRA AND ANTHONY THE SHELLEYS THE BROWNINGS

ADONIS APHRODITE

RHETT BUTLER

O’HARA

APOLLO

DAPHNE GUINEVERE

LANCELOT SAMPSON

DELILAH

THROUGH POISON AND WAR AND DECEPTION AND ILLNESS AND MURDER AND JEALOUSY STILL IN THEIR BEDS FROM THEIR PENS, THEY CAN PROMISE ETERNITY, LOVE ME ETERNALLY, ARE YOU ENOUGH FOR ME?

WHAT HAPPENS AFTER THE CASH? WHEN MY FLOWER IS FADING?

YOU’RE THE SMOKING BARREL AND YOU’LL ALWAYS BE WANTED

YOU AND I COULD REALLY GO PLACES, WE’LL SEE

LET’S MERELY MAKE BELIEVE

KEEP IT ALL ONLY IN FUN

SHARE IN MAKING A KILLING
CARING FOR NOTHING
Track Name: Silent, Never Silenced
SILENT, NEVER SILENCED
THE DARK PUSHED DOWN, FOUND A WAY INTO YOUR SOUL
YOU CAME BACK BROKEN, COULDN’T FACE THE FAMILY SHAME
OUR PRECIOUS GIRL, WHEN I WIN THE WAR, THEY WILL KNOW YOUR NAME

WE ALWAYS HAD THE BOND OF FEAR BETWEEN
AND LEANED ON SISTER’S BREAST
I KNEW YOU HAD TO RUN WHEN DADDY LOST IT
I KISSED YOU GOOD LUCK AND YOU LEFT
OVER AND OVER AND OVER YOU DANCE FOR EVERY DIVE
OVER AND OVER A NEW SAVIOUR PROMISING THE SKIES
I SHOULD HAVE BOUGHT A TICKET
AND PLUCKED OUT THEIR EYES

SILENT, NEVER SILENCED
THE DARK PUSHED DOWN, FOUND A WAY INTO YOUR SOUL
YOU CAME BACK BROKEN, COULDN’T FACE THE FAMILY SHAME
‘OUR PRECIOUS GIRL’,
WHEN I WIN THE WAR, THEY WILL KNOW YOUR NAME

HOW COULD I STAND BACK AND HOPE TO SAVE YOU
PRAYING TO AN ABSENT GOD
A DANCE BECAME A TRICK BECAME A SHOT OF
CONSOLATION IN YOUR ARM
OVER AND OVER AND OVER WE SEE OUR SISTERS PLAY
THROUGH DARKENED DOORS WITH BLOODLUST
AND COLD CASH HOLDING SWAY
LET US STORM AND CASTLE AND TAKE THESE TEMPTATIONS AWAY

SILENT, NEVER SILENCED
THE DARK PUSHED DOWN, FOUND A WAY INTO YOUR SOUL
YOU CAME BACK BROKEN, COULDN’T FACE THE FAMILY SHAME
‘OUR PRECIOUS GIRL’.. CARVED NEXT TO YOUR NAME

OVER AND OVER AND OVER I COULDN’T KEEP YOU CLEAR
OF ALL THE GAPING JAWS THAT CAME TO PREY UPON YOUR FEARS
YOU ARE NOW A WHISPER
AND THEY’RE STILL HERE

SO WHAT IS ROTTEN, EVIL CRETIN?
WHAT IS ROTTEN IN YOUR MIND?
I AM FOLLOWING THE STENCH THAT LEADS TO YOU
I’LL CRAWL INTO YOUR BED WHERE I WILL SHARPEN ALL MY BLADES
HACK, SLICE AND FILLET MY WAY TO SOMETHING
AND EVERYTHING YOU’VE BOUGHT AND FUCKED AND KILLED
AND BOUGHT AND FUCKED AND KILLED AND BOUGHT AND FUCKED
AND KILLED UNTIL NOW
WILL BE BEAUTIFUL AGAIN
Track Name: Anatomy of Human Hubris
THE LATE, FAT KUBLAI KHAN
PUT HORSEMEN ON BOATS TO PILLAGE JAPAN
UNWINDING WITH HIS CONCUBINES
IN A GOUTY FUNK OF FERMENTED GOAT MILK

SUNK BY KAMIKAZE WINDS
THE KHAN’S MEN TRIED AND SUNK AGAIN
HE SPILLED THE SECRETS OF HIS COURT
TO THE CHINESE EMPLOYEES

SATISFACTION’S A SLIPPERY FISH
AND WHEN YOU GET IT THEN YOU GUT IT
A MILLION WAYS TO FUCK UP SOMETHING GOOD
LOOK, THERE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE BOTTLE

IN A MAN’S WORLD CATHERINE WAS GREAT
RUSSIA WAS PULLED FROM ITS MEDIEVAL STUPOR
BUYING ART FROM ALL THE MASTERS
PEN PALS WITH VOLTAIRE

LOOSE WITH MORE THAN THE PUBLIC PURSE
KATE GAVE HER LOVER COMMAND OF POLAND
LET ANOTHER LOVER PLAN TO SACK RAJISTAN
HER LAST LOVER WAS A CLUMSY HORSE

SATISFACTION’S A SLIPPERY FISH
AND WHEN YOU GET IT THEN YOU GUT IT
A MILLION WAYS TO FUCK UP SOMETHING GOOD
LOOK, THERE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE BOTTLE

ELEVEN BANKS, 300 GRAND,
JOHN HERBERT DILLINGER, MY MAIN MAN
ESCAPED PRISON TWICE, KILLED SEVEN POLICE,
PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE
JOHNNY JUST LOVED SPILLING HIS BEANS
TO A STRING OF DARK EYED SEÑORITAS
HE WENT TO A MOVIE WITH THE WOMAN IN RED
AFTER SHE TIPPED OFF 40 FEDS

SATISFACTION’S A SLIPPERY FISH
AND WHEN YOU GET IT THEN YOU GUT IT
A MILLION WAYS TO FUCK UP SOMETHING GOOD
LOOK, THERE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE BOTTLE

YOU COULD BE THE MOB, BOB,
THEY RUN A TIGHT SHIP
HIDING ALL THEIR LOSERS IN A FAMILY OR SYNDICATE

YOU COULD BE THE SENATOR’S PEN
DUMPING TOXIC WASTE INTO THE HUDSON
THE GIN IN A SPEAKEASY STILL
NAZI DOCTORS SAFE IN BRAZIL
NOW, WHO CAN EVEN SAY WHAT’S CRIMINAL?
WHO CAN EVEN SAY

SATISFACTION’S A SLIPPERY FISH
AND WHEN YOU GET IT THEN YOU GUT IT
A MILLION WAYS TO FUCK UP SOMETHING GOOD
LOOK, THERE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE BOTTLE

WHAT HAVE THEY SEEN?

THIS TRAVESTY CAN BE ABATED WITH A PEN
I KNOW YOUR WIVES AND YOUR CONSTITUENTS
WILL THANK YOU FOR THIS
Track Name: No More
ALRIGHT, YOUNG MAN,
YES, THEY CAN BE LEANING IN BUT NOT TOUCHING
NO NO, THIS CANDLESTICK- IT COULD BE WEAPONRY
OR SOMETHING SUGGESTIVE

THIS SKIRT’S TOO SHORT, YOU CAN’T SHOW THE KNEES
SHE’S NOT A WHORE, PLESAE SEE ARTICLE THREE
NO MORE, NO MORE

SEE HERE,
THEY’RE TOO YOUNG TO BE ALONE, MAKE IT A GROUP AFFAIR

HOW ABOUT I PUT THE LOT IN WOOL SWEATERS
AND JUST HAVE THEM STANDING THERE?

THIS TWISTED SOUL’S HAVING TOO MUCH FUN

NO VAMPIRES, GHOULS OR CANNIBALISM

NO MORE, NO MORE

BASIC BIOLOGY,
NO GIRL COULD POSSIBLY HAVE THESE DIMENSIONS
AND HE’S PERSPIRING,
NOW YOU TELL ME JUST HOW HE’S BEEN EXERTING HIMSELF

MAYBE HE’S HELPING HER HOP OVER A BROOK

AND IN HIS HAND SHE FINDS HIS SEVERED COCK

NO MORE, NO MORE
NO MORE POLLUTING WITH YOUR BLOOD, RAPE, AND GORE

THE IMPRESSION HERE – THIS BOY IS CLEARLY DEFYING HIS FATHER
AND IT’S MIDDAY, IS THERE A REASON THAT HE’S NOT IN CLASSES?
IS THIS CUT SELF SUSTAINED OR IN FACT
IS BLOOD SPILT BECAUSE OF A VIOLENT ACT?

NO MORE, NO MORE

SPRAY THE FIELD WITH A DOSE OF PARANOIA
WHY SHINE THE APPLE WHEN IT’S ROTTEN TO THE CORE?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
THIS IS LIKE PUTTING A RACEHORSE IN A RAT CAGE

AND THIS BED – IT’S CLEAR TO ME BOTH THESE PILLOWS ARE INDENTED

I HOPE THE DINER’S TAKING RESUMES

YOU’LL HAVE CHILDREN OF YOUR OWN ONE DAY

NO MORE, NO MORE

NO MORE POLLUTING WITH YOUR BLOOD AND RAPE AND GORE

SPRAY THE FIELD WITH A DOSE OF PARANOIA

NO MORE, NO MORE
WHY SHINE THE APPLE WHEN IT’S ROTTEN TO THE CORE?

NO MORE, NO MORE!
Track Name: Vesuvius
QUICKER COMES DARKNESS, WILD IS THE GARDEN
THE FLING NEAR FORGOTTEN, FEELS LIKE AUGUST AGAIN
ANOTHER SCHOOL WHERE NOTHING STICKS BUT STORIES OF VESUVIUS
THE DOGS AND THE CHILDREN, THEY KNOW SHE’S STIRRING AGAIN
BUT THE VILLAGE SLEEPS WITH NERVOUS DREAMS
THE ASH THAT FILLED THE LUNGS OF POMPEII
MADE THE GROUND RICH TODAY

ONE TIME I KNEW
THAT FOLLOWING YOU WOULD MEAN BEING TURNED AROUND
INTO THE CLOUD, INTO THE CLOUD

YOUNG ONLY ONCE, ONLY EVER YOUNG
THESE ARE MY PEOPLE, WHAT WILL COME, WILL COME
AND THOUGH I’VE DREAMED OUTSIDE THE RED ZONE,
HOW DO YOU LEAVE ALL YOU’VE EVER KNOWN?

ONE TIME I KNEW
THAT FOLLOWING YOU WOULD MEAN BEING TURNED AROUND
INTO THE CLOUD, INTO THE CLOUD

WHAT SWEETER BACKDROP TO A ROMANCE THAN DOOM,
WHEN BOREDOM IS THE TRUE ENEMY?*
AND FOR ETERNITY A PLASTER RELIEF OF TWO LOVERS EMBRACING

ONE TIME I KNEW
THAT FOLLOWING YOU WOULD MEAN BEING TURNED AROUND
INTO THE CLOUD, INTO THE CLOUD

ONE TIME I KNEW
BUT THEY BUILD ON THE SIDE OF VESUVIUS STILL
THEY ALWAYS WILL. WE ALWAYS WILL.

*'boredom is the true enemy'- Geoff Berner
Track Name: I'd Rather Die
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
OUR IMAGINATIONS RAN WILD?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU HOT WIRED THE GETAWAY CAR?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID ‘LET’S KIDNAP THAT GIRL?’

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I SCREAMED WHILE YOU PULLED OUT HIS TEETH?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED A HOT BANK CLERK FOR ME?

SMOKES? HAVE A SMOKE!

WHAT TIME IS IT?

IT DOESN’T MATTER IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT TIME IT IS

AND IF IT DID, WE’D HAVE A WATCH

AN HEIRLOOM FOR THE GRANDSON KIND OF WATCH?

GO BACK OUTSIDE? I’D RATHER DIE.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SHOWED ME OFF AT CHEZ PAUL?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME THE FAN MAIL WAS PILED ON THE STEP?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME WE BLEW HALF A GRAND AT THE TRACK?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME A CHRISTMAS CARD CAME FROM THE BANK?

DRINK? WELL HERE’S TO YOU.

WHEN DOES THE STORE CLOSE?

IT DOESN’T MATTER
THERE ARE MORE BOTTLES THAN PROMISES

AND IF WE’RE DRY, I’VE GOT A FRIEND

A ‘BE THERE IN HALF AN HOUR KIND OF FRIEND’?

GO BACK OUTSIDE? I’D RATHER DIE!

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU FORGOT ALL ABOUT ROME?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SNICKERED WHEN I PROPOSED?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I DIDN’T TASTE BOOZE ON YOUR TONGUE?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME ETERNITY FELT SO FUCKIN’ LONG?
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU EVEN TRIED TO GET ME HARD?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU DIDN’T JUST BLAME THE WORLD?
WHEN WAS THAT LAST TIME YOU WEREN’T SO HARD TO GET HARD?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I SAID YOU COULD GO NO QUESTIONS ASKED?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOUR REFLEXES BEAT OUT YOUR BRAIN?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU COULDN’T JUST LET THAT LIE?

LIES? LET’S TALK LIES!

OR LET YOUR FISTS DO THE TALKING?

DON’T BE CRAZY, I FUCKIN’ LOVE YOU BABE- BUT IF YOU LEAVE-

WHAT?

I DON’T KNOW. I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE.

I’m going outside
Don’t even try
You’re on your own, put that down
You’ve sucked me dry
You’re sick, eleven days in here, it stinks, you’re drunk, you’ve lost your mind, let me go, that bitch was right
What was what?
Eleanor Flood, let me out, useless women, heartless men, ha ha ha, all in fun
You signed off on every one, had everything
Move, I’m done
Why the hard time?
I’m going outside, I’m going outside, put that down, let me outside
I’d- rather- die.
Track Name: Mr. Executioner
MR. EXECUTIONER
TAKE THIS LIFE AWAY FROM ME
I’M A SINNER, AND I DON’T DESERVE YOUR SYMPATHY
TAKE ME DOWN TO THE DARK BELOW
I HAVE KILLED MY LOVE
NOW I REAP WHAT I SOW
PASSION IN THE FIRST DEGREE

PLEASE MR. JUDGE
TAKE ME TO THE ELECTRIC CHAIR
FLICK THE SWITCH, PULL THE PLUG
I WANNA GET AWAY FROM HERE
‘CAUSE I’M A LOST SOUL
WITHOUT A HOME
WHEN YOU KILL YOUR LOVE
YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW
SOMEONE HAD A PLAN FOR ME

HEY MR. WOOD
TELL US WHAT YOU’RE
SEEING THERE
DID IT WASH IN ON THE FLOOD
OR IS IT HANGING EVERYWHERE
BECAUSE IT’S TRUE
EVERY STORY’S TRUE
YOU WILL KILL YOUR LOVE
AND MAKE A BUCK TOO
SOMEONE HAD A PLAN FOR YOU
Track Name: Why Are We Surprised?
BABOON EATS THE OSTRICH EGG
EGGS TASTE BETTER THAN GRUBS
ANTS TAKE PUPAE OF ANOTHER SPECIES
AND BRING THEM BACK TO HEADQUARTERS
ANOTHER WORKER FOR THEIR WORKFORCE
SPERM WHALE LETS THE BOATS FISH
AND FEASTS WHEN THE LINES ARE TAUT
JACKDAW ROBS THE CORMORANT
SEAGULL CHEATS THE JACKDAW
BEFORE IT EVEN PLUCKS THE EYES
WHY ARE WE SURPRISED?

WHAT’S LEFT AFTER INSTINCT HAS HAD ITS WAY?
WHY ARE WE SURPRISED? EVOLUTION HOLDS BEAUTY AT BAY
RAISE A GOBLET TO THE CUNNING AND FERAL-
THE VICTORIOUS OFTEN START OFF IN THE SHADOWS

BUZZARD DESCENDS ON FESTERING FLESH
HYENA SIMPLY SPOILS FOR A FIGHT
THE RAT, THE CROW, THE COCKROACH
OVERWHELM WITH SHEER NUMBERS AND ENDLESS APPETITE
WHY ARE WE SURPRISED?

SURVIVAL, NOT OF THE FITTEST
OF THE DRAB OPPORTUNIST
OF THE SHALLOW AND VICIOUS AND UGLY AND LONELY AND BITTER
EXHAUSTED AND HOPELESS AND TWISTED
LAZY, ANGRY, HORNY, VENGEFUL, HATEFUL, GLOOMY HUMAN!
HUMAN.